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I agree that there's generally a big difference between 20 and 17, which is why generally I don't date younger women and I've made it a rule not to date high school girls. As for not dating in the work place, if I had some important job I would agree. But 2-3 years older for the guy is quite typical -- the average age of the male in first marriages is about 2 years older, so maybe you're over-thinking this.
I honestly am not so much looking for permission as I am curious about the thoughts of others. And if you had a daughter you might have a friggin clue, I dated a girl who was only a few months into being 17... I had made an exception in her case, because I had my own little rules for dating anyone more than a couple years younger than me. Her mother loved me, although it helped that her mom knew me. I'm well read, I keep up with the news, I'm active politically, I would rather watch a movie made 50 years before I was born than the latest torture-porn at the theatres.
There is a huge difference between 20 and 17 from a maturity point.